What everyone wants to know...

'When are you having another?"

It seems like I hear that question ALL the time. And every time I hear that question I cringe. I never thought I would feel like that but it's the truth. I have to politely say, "ohh, maybe someday."

But inside I just want to scream! I want to yell, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT'S BEEN TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! You have no idea that I thought I was having another baby. Twice! Only to be let down."

And it's not their fault. I know that. They have no idea, but they also don't know how much it hurts to want that so bad. It's just a sensitive topic for me.

Yes, I know that I am fortunate to have one baby. I know couples that struggle and are not able to have any. Believe me, I am thankful for Nicholas beyond words, and if he is the only child I ever have, I will continue to thank God every day. His is a beautiful, healthy, wonderful blessing. No doubt about that.

But that's the problem. When you have one and realize how incredibly wonderful they are, you want another. Who wouldn't? And that's where I'm at. Stuck between 'absolutely grateful' and 'hoping for another blessing'.

Just hopin' and thinkin' and prayin' and wishin'...