I found out that my husband is just not ready to share with the world everything we're dealing with. And when I say world, I mean no one so out of respect to him, I deleted my last post. We're not sure what's in store for our future, but I do know what we have now is great so I plan on focusing on that.
I will say that I found out we lost a girl. That was heartbreaking, but also a sense of relief to validate my crazy thoughts. I KNEW it was a girl. I wrote her a letter the day we found out that we lost the baby. I finally showed it to Andrew last week. It's sad, but it's what I was feeling and I meant every word of it. Still do.
I always want to remember her and how precious she was to me...so here it is.
Dear Eliana,
I thought I would hold you in my arms this year. I thought you would be my Christmas joy, and while you were for awhile, I am sad that I'll never get to hold you. I know you're in good hands, the best in fact, and you have many loving arms waiting for you in Heaven as I'm sure you already know.
I love you so much and await the day when I can hold you myself. You mean so much to me. Thank you for choosing me as your mommy.
Beautiful, sweet baby, I'll never forget you. I love you always.
Love, Momma
Babies are a beautiful thing, and they change you forever. Even the ones you don't meet. Well, maybe not in this world. The thought of meeting her someday along with the other two babies I've lost gives me hope.
Healing is a process, a long one in fact, but it's healing. I'm healing, and I thank God for that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment